The topic of making a list for what a women desires in a husband has been around for years. Some people may think it’s crazy, but I’ve learned that if done right it can be a helpful guide in the spousal selection process. As Christian women we do not have to date around aimlessly like the women of the world. We have the Holy Spirit who leads us, Jesus Christ as our example, and the Word of God as our guide and standard.
Too often Christian women find themselves in the same predicament as the women of the world. We make poor choices and forget that we have the one and only all knowing God on our side. God cares about who we marry because the marriages that God ordains have purpose. God desires godly offspring (Malachi 2:15). God expects the husband and the wife to serve His kingdom and bring glory to His name. We have to stop only thinking about the short term and instead think of the generations to come.
I have pursued relationships by following the way of the world through movies, TV, and music. That path always led me to confusion, unnecessary heartbreak, and regret. But when I surrendered everything to God, He began to show me who I am and shared intimate secrets of the things to come. That includes downloading into me certain qualities that my god ordained husband will possess. I’m not talking about a carnal list that we make on a whim in our immaturity. I’m talking about a list (journal entry) that is God breathed and Spirit led that only comes from intimacy with God.
Tips Before The List:
- Get Close to God First
Having an intimate relationship with God is so crucial as we navigate our daily lives. As a single person you have more free time to spend with God than a married woman who has to tend to her husband and possibly children. Take advantage of this single season and spend quality time with God. Study the bible and meditate on His words day and night. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6 NKJV) so be intentional with your time.
- Know Who You Are
It seems many people spend a lifetime trying to figure out who they really are. Generally we are more in tune with who we really are as children than when we grow into adulthood. During childhood we have pure hearts and believe anything we want to become is possible. There’s no limit to our imaginations. As you become closer to God you will also learn more about yourself. We all have a purpose, and God will show you the best way for you to fulfill yours. Your unique gifts may come through music, cooking, engineering, construction, home decor, teaching, etc.
Whatever you do please don’t fall into the trap that your identity is only through who you marry. When you come before God on judgement day you will stand alone. Bringing up everything your husband accomplished is not going to help you. It’s important to know who God created you to be now. Knowing your purpose and your own strengths and weaknesses will allow you to better discern what man would be a complementary match for you.
Tips For Making The List:
- Use the Bible as your guide and standard
As Christian women the Bible should be our go to resource for everything including relationships. Take godly characteristics from the Bible and add them to your list. What are some qualities that God delights in? For example having a contrite (repentant) heart and a steadfast spirit. Our husbands should be followers of Jesus Christ and not one who simply wears the Cross or has it tattooed but has no real reverence or relationship with God. Study up on the fruits or the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). No one is perfect but a person who is walking by the Spirit over the flesh will have the fruit of the Spirit on their tree.
- Be Specific
I was always taught to be specific with my prayers. Ask for whatever you desire in prayer and have faith that it is yours (Mark 11:24 NIV). Read Matthew 7: 7-12. As you become closer to God your desires will become His desires. I can testify to that because in high school I was not desiring a godly man. We tend to want the bad boy and lean more toward the lukewarm side. Then over time as you grow in your spiritual walk you will desire a man who has had a true heart change and mind change. So pay attention to the desires in your heart no matter how small or silly you may think they are.
I Made the List Now What?
So now you have written down in some form or fashion what you desire in your future husband. Now it’s time to wait it out and let God do what He is gonna do. During this time get to work on building your character. Become the best version of you. Continue your intimate relationship with God and get busy on the assignments God has already given you. Pray for your future husband whenever the Spirit leads you to do so. Be patient because God’s timing is not our own, and be flexible because changes in our plans can happen. Most of all stay encouraged and do not worry about the “How” or the “When”. Surrender your love life to God and see first hand how faithful He is.