Monthly Archives:

March 2018

Good Luck: Waiting For Marriage

Here we are at the end of March. When I think of March I think of four leaf clovers, leprechauns, and a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.  It is also my birthday month! Ever since I was a kid the month of March has always been associated with good luck. However, when you hear people tell you “good luck” in person, they tend to mean it in a sarcastic way. When Steve Harvey told his boss that he was quitting his job to follow his dream of being a professional comedian his boss told him “good luck”. In the same way, there are countless stories of successful people both famous and not famous who were told that their expectations were too high and that they would fail. They were told the infamous “good luck”.

Well, when I was around 19 or 20 years old I was told “good luck” at a small gathering with family and friends. We were just chatting at someones apartment around the holidays. I don’t know how we got on the topic but we were talking about sex and I said I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. Then the woman who called herself a minister laughed and said “good luck”. I thought I would at least have her support, but then it hit me that even some Christians believe it’s impossible to wait for marriage nowadays. So now over five years later that moment of her saying “good luck” to me still plays in my mind. At 26 I can confidently say that waiting until marriage to have sex isn’t about luck at all. It just takes a made up mind. And when your mind changes your lifestyle and habits change too. If you have been told “good luck” or if you have doubt that waiting for marriage is a possibility for you, then I hope this blog will help lead you in the right direction. So please continue to read as we scratch the surface of waiting until marriage.

It Takes A Good Why

In order to stick with any commitment you need a good why. You need a full understanding of why you are deciding to wait. In church from a very early age we are encouraged to wait until marriage. I don’t know about you but I can be pretty rebellious at times. In order for me to commitment to something I need it to make sense to me. Even at my job if they tell me to do something that is not productive  and doesn’t make sense then I will question them. So when it comes to deciding to wait don’t just take peoples word for it. You need to go to the source which is the Bible and research why God wants His children to wait until marriage. There are plenty of reasons in scripture, but ultimately it is to help us not hurt us. You can also pray to God and ask for more understanding on this topic. As I started to pray and research, I began to develop my own personal why and that why comes to the front of my mind whenever I am faced with temptation. The more understanding you get, the more you can come into agreement with God. Changing your way of thinking to agree with God’s way of thinking is the hardest part. Once you finally agree with God then that is the first step. Trust me I know it can be hard to agree with God on this. I’ve slipped up before and that is because I didn’t agree with God on this topic for many years. It really wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally understood the full benefits of waiting until marriage and now I have developed a strong why that is immovable.

It Takes A Firm NO 

Now that you have your why, you need a firm NO. As I said before temptation will come. When temptation does present itself you need a plan. And the plan is simple, just say NO.  Having a firm NO means NO EXCEPTIONS! You have to have a made up mind that you are not going to compromise your standards. Every time I messed up before it was because I didn’t have a made up mind. My rules would change based on the guy. Ladies you know how it is. If the guy was cute enough, nice enough, well spoken enough, or financially well off then I could see myself reasoning in my head why I should make an exception for him. If you are going to wait successfully then your NO needs to be firm. No matter how handsome a guy is or even if he is your boyfriend and you think your gonna be together forever, you need to say NO because you are waiting until marriage. The truth is you never know who you are going to marry until after you are married. Plenty of people plan to get married and they never do. I’ve done it before. Plan the wedding in your head and named the children only to have your heart broken. You don’t want to take that risk. Also avoid situations that could cause you to fall all together. Know the areas where you are weak and if the person you are talking to does not agree with waiting then you need to cut it off before things get too deep. How can two people walk together unless they agree? And you don’t want a person who agrees to wait until marriage just for you. That is too much pressure! It’s important that the person you are dating or courting is practicing the wait because they have done their research in the bible and they finally agree with God too.

Connecting With Like Minded People 

Last but not least it is important to connect with like minded people. Connecting with other people who are waiting or have waited has helped me so much! It is hard to wait when the music that you listen to, the shows on TV, and the people that are closest to you are encouraging you not to wait. I was about two years in when DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good came out with their book The Wait. I bought the book immediately and I was so happy to find people who thought like me. To find people who wanted the same things I wanted. It was the first time I heard anything about waiting until marriage in the mainstream media. I was so intrigued that I looked at all their interviews on YouTube and that is when I discovered that there was a whole Christian community on YouTube that I didn’t know about. That was because I only ever looked at hair and makeup tutorials (which did come in handy lol). When I saw that there were plenty of videos about godly relationships and waiting until marriage, my heart was filled with joy. I found Heather Lindsey, Ashley Empowers, Anointed Fire, Worth The Wait, One Church LA, and so many more. I especially like the “Dating with Purpose” series on Ashley Empowers YouTube channel. She interviews couples from all different ethnic backgrounds and ages about their journey of pursuing a godly relationship together. Every minister or YouTuber is not going to be received by everyone, however I have found some awesome people who speak to me in a way where I can understand and grow.  Let God lead you to which YouTubers or online churches are right for you. Once again I must say that finding godly examples on YouTube has encouraged me so much. Also connect with people at your home church too because there should be like minded people there who you actually get to hang out with versus the online community.

Wrap Up :

I hope it is clear by now that if you are waiting until marriage that you are not alone. If you have already slipped up then it is never too late to start over. You can start over today if you want. Now when someone tells you “good luck” you can laugh on the inside because you know that you don’t need their luck. If you are a born again believer then you have something much more than luck. You have God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit on your side. And boy are they a triple threat! I know waiting until marriage is a huge sacrifice and sometimes it may cause you to be single longer than you want because you are refusing to settle. Know that God sees your sacrifice. God will never make a fool of you when you obey Him. So ignore the skeptics. Just continue to do your thang. One day the promises that God has spoken into your heart will manifest before their eyes and all they will be able to say is “WoW.”

Please feel free to comment below about your journey in waiting or if you decided to start over today. Or Just comment if you liked the post 🙂 Also check out 10 Dos to Being Single and Content! Love You!!! Thank you so much for visiting my blog.

 

 

That Time I Quit My Job, Plus Tips

Have you ever wanted to quit your job? Do you feel frustrated going to a job that you absolutely hate? I know the feeling all too well. That was me two years ago. I quit my job by faith and it was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. The journey wasn’t easy, but it was worth it! I’ve been holding on to this testimony for a while and now I am so excited to share it with you. I will also be sharing tips for when you are in the transition phase. If you are going through a tough season at work or are unemployed right now then I want to encourage you that God is faithful and he will see you through.

When The Grace For The Job Is Up

I graduated from the University of Memphis and majored in Healthcare Administration. Two months after graduation I got a job offer working in a hospital that I just could not refuse. So I started working in the Patient Access department and things were going pretty well. The first few months felt like the honeymoon stage of a relationship.  I was really happy until I felt the seasons change and then I began to feel like a restless bird in a cage dying to break free. Thoughts of being discontent with where I was in my life started to consume me. I addressed this in a previous post titled Feeling Unfulfilled ? Originally I thought that job would be the place where I could stay and climb the corporate ladder, but some jobs are only meant for a season.

I quit my job on a sunny day in December 2015. I actually started to feel a tug in my spirit to quit at the one year mark in August. Every month the desire grew stronger and stronger. I am ambitious naturally and I knew I needed an opportunity to grow. As time went on it became clear that I wasn’t going be able to grow the way I wanted to there. I shared my desires to quit with my parents and they encouraged me to stay of course. They were thinking logically and my dad even helped me to draft a “Letter of Concern” to my boss around September so I could work things out and not have to leave. A lot of the associates I worked with were discontent just like me, but they complained to each other instead of talking to the people who can actually make a change. I know myself and I can only complain so long before I go to the source to try and do something about my frustration. A Letter of Concern is basically a polite warning letter to your boss stating that if certain things don’t change you will eventually leave. I wasn’t that blunt in the letter because it is supposed to be polite and professional. However, the message did come across clearly.  After I sent that letter I did have a meeting with my boss and supervisor about my concerns and some things did change. Still the uneasiness in my spirit remained even as the external factors changed.quit my job on a sunny Monday day in December 2015. I actually started to feel a tug in my spirit to quit at the one year work anniversary in August 2015. Every month the desire grew stronger and stronger. I am ambitious naturally and I knew I needed an opportunity to grow. As time went on it became clear that I wasn’t going be able to grow the way I wanted to there.

Every day for 3 months it was an internal battle to stay. One time the disrespect from my lead was so bad that I literally walked away from my desk to go to the bathroom and pray. Every time I would go to the bathroom and pray God would calm me down and give me enough grace to make it through my shift. On Monday December 7, 2015 the grace to stay was gone. I went to work like normal. I worked in my assigned area and then they called me to help the Women’s Center out so I did. When I came back to my desk a relatively new PRN was in my seat. A PRN is someone they call as needed and they do not have any assigned desk because they are the nomads the department. I was a PRN until I was promoted to full time. Since the girl was already working with a patient I just waited around the corner in an empty desk. She said she would move after she was done with that one patient. Then 5 patients later she was still at my desk. I was eager to start working in my own desk, which had all my belongings and was organized the way I liked it. I politely asked the girl to move twice and she caught a attitude and continued to stay at my desk. Honestly, I felt like going off on her so I went to the bathroom to pray. I asked God for the grace to stay and instead I received the grace to leave. In the moment that I decided to quit it was just me and God. I was no longer asking my parents or anyone else for their advice. I knew in that bathroom that God gave me a “Yes” and that was all I needed. So i went back to my desk and grabbed my purse and proceeded to walk to my car. It was around 11:00am and maybe they thought I was taking an early lunch. As I was walking I couldn’t believe that I was really going to do this. Then I finally got in my car and I took a deep breath. Knowing that this was a part of God’s plan gave me peace as I drove off the parking lot and left that chapter of my life behind. 

Unemployed for 3 months/ Results

When I quit my job that day I didn’t know how long I would be unemployed. If I knew all the details then it wouldn’t be called stepping out on faith. I ended up being unemployed for three months.  Thankfully I had some money in my savings. However, even if you don’t have money God will provide for you. During that season I spent my days praying to God, seeking his will for my life, listening to uplifting messages, applying for jobs, and improving my character. I was doing some intense self-reflection during those three months and I’m still reaping the benefits today.

In 2016 I brought in the new year with no job and an blank canvas for God to paint my year as colorfully as he wanted. I asked God to only let the job that he has for me to contact me. That February one company contacted me and I am still with that company today. While I was unemployed I made a list of what I wanted at my next job. I got everything I wanted and more. The only thing I wish I did differently was increase the amount of money I wanted to make. I would have aimed even higher. Still God really came through for me.

If I didn’t start off with a bad job then I wouldn’t be as grateful for the job I have now. Everyday I go to my job I am grateful. Now even when drama does arise at my job, I am so strong in my character that it doesn’t phase me. I listen to uplifting sermons at my desk. Whenever the weather is nice I go for a walk. I get to wear what I want. Most of all I’m glad I don’t have people looking over my shoulder micromanaging me. I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I didn’t quit my job and take a leap of faith.

Another thing I love about my job is that I have space to think! I know it sounds crazy but I didn’t have that before. At my last job I dealt with patients face to face so I never had a moment alone. We didn’t get to go on breaks and we barely had time for a 30 min lunch. Now I don’t have to deal with customer service at all and I am so thankful. When I am at work I can write poems, songs, and every idea that God gives me. They give us steno notepads and mine is filled with sermon notes, uplifting quotes, songs, business tips, blog ideas, and so much more. Now I know for myself that God is faithful. I know for myself that God is a provider. I know for myself that God is a way maker.  You will never know what God is capable of doing in your life if you do not jump when He says jump and trust Him. 

Things To Do While You Are In-between Jobs:

  1. Pray and Seek God’s Will for Your Life

Doing this is what led me to quit my job in the first place. You need to know what God is saying to you in this season. Now is not the time to be lazy in your walk with God. When you are unemployed you have more time to pray, more time to read your bible, more time to listen to messages, and more time to spend with God. Make a list of what you want your next job to be like and bring that petition to the Lord. Be specific, write it down, and aim high.

2. Be Productive

Time is valuable and now that you have more time you need to be more productive. Start applying for new jobs. Update your resume. Work on your craft. If you want to work in the arts then practice singing, drawing, playing an instrument, etc. It wouldn’t hurt to clean your house either. Even use this time to get in shape and work out more.

3. Journal Your Days

God is going to be speaking into your spirit so much during this time and you need to document it. I wish I had journaled more during that time, which is why I am advising you to write down all of the dreams, visions, ideas, desires, and revelations that you have during this season.

4. Praise God in Advance

God is so faithful. If He called you into this season then He will see you through it. God is setting you up for an amazing testimony, but you can’t have a testimony without a test. Praise God in advance because the more you praise Him the better you’ll feel. Anyone can praise Him after they get the blessing, but if you know the blessing is yours then praise Him now. Thank Him now because it is already done.

5. Enjoy

This can be the hardest thing to do, but you need to enjoy this season. You need to enjoy every season. Don’t let worry consume you. I knew that I was going to get another job again, so I decided to enjoy my time off. Take advantage of being able to eat popcorn at 11:45 am in your pjs. Go to a peaceful place and read a book. Just relax and rest sometimes. I accepted my job in late February and I didn’t start til March 21. They said I could start whenever I wanted to that month so I pushed it back to the 21st because my birthday was March 8th and I wanted to enjoy myself a little bit longer. So please take some time to enjoy yourself during this transition phase. You will be working at your dream job or walking full time in your purpose sooner than you think!