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November 2017

Love vs Luh

This topic has been on my heart for a while. The thought first came in my mind while I was watching Are You the One? on MTV. It was toward the beginning of the show and a guy said he found “LUH” with the girl he was sleeping with. He actually spelled it out L-U-H to make sure we didn’t confuse him with saying L-O-V-E. It made me ask what in the world is LUH? What is the difference between LOVE and LUH? In this blog post I will be breaking down the difference between LOVE and LUH so you can discern which one a person is really trying to offer you.

What is Love?

First things first, we must define and describe the characteristics of LOVE and LUH. I don’t really like the dictionary definition of love because it is too shallow, so I will be going by the bible’s description of love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 depicts the essence of LOVE perfectly (NKJV and NIV). LOVE suffers long and is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. LOVE never fails. It’s amazing that real LOVE never fails and yet many people have had someone tell them “I love you” and they despise the person now. It makes you wonder if they ever had real LOVE at all or if it was just LUH all along.

What is Luh?

LUH is no where in the bible so I had to go to the trusted urban dictionary. LUH is when someone more than likes a person but doesn’t actually “LOVE” them. I could tell by the context clues that is what LUH means, but seeing the urban dictionary definition just confirmed it. Now that we know what LUH means, if someone were to tell you that they had LUH for you it probably wouldn’t flatter you at all. If anything it would offend you because you wouldn’t want someone having lukewarm feelings for you. Either you LOVE me or you don’t. On the show Are You the One? I was able to see how a relationship based on LUH plays out and it didn’t end well. As I stated earlier, a guy said he found LUH with the girl he was sleeping with. They had a few weeks of bliss sleeping together, however once they found out they were a no match their romance quickly fizzled out. The guy shed a few tears initially and then promptly went back to his player ways, leaving the girl feeling confused and taken advantage of. This has happened to me before too and when I found out that the guy didn’t LOVE me I felt bamboozled. You want to know whether or not a person has LOVE or LUH for you before you give them your mind, heart, body, and soul.

Love vs Luh characteristics:

LOVE                                                                              

  • suffers long
  • patient
  • kind
  • doesn’t dishonor others
  • not easily angered
  • rejoices with the truth
  • always perseveres
  • never fails

LUH

  • temporary
  • impatient
  • unmerciful
  • behaves rudely
  • easily angered
  • delights in evil
  • convenient
  • selfish

Everyone Isn’t Honest

On Are You the One? the guy admitted that he had LUH for the girl and not LOVE, but everyone isn’t as honest as him. In this life if you don’t have some discernment, wisdom, and the Holy Spirit you can easily fall for LUH and think that it is LOVE. People know that LUH doesn’t sound as good as LOVE so sometimes they change the words to sound more flattering. We can even see this in music. There are a lot of songs that say LOVE that should really say LUH. For example Usher’s “Love in This Club” song isn’t talking about a relationship that will endure the tests of time. In high school the song “I Wanna Love You” by Akon had the original lyrics as “I Wanna F word You”. LOVE and the F word couldn’t be further from each other and yet the songwriters just switched the words without thinking twice to get radio play. Don’t just fall for the words that people say but check out their actions too. Someone can tell you all day that they LOVE you by phone call, text, or even writing it in the sky. It is a person’s actions and time that will reveal whether they have LOVE or LUH for you. Maybe even you are guilty of saying ” I LOVE you” to someone and not truly meaning it.  From now on be honest with others and most of all be honest with yourself. The lists above can help you discern if you are looking at a person with LOVE or LUH for you. Does your partner leave you when things get rough or can they suffer long? Is your partner forgiving or do they hold grudges? Does your partner honor you or do they act out a lot? Does your partner pressure you to do bad things or do they walk with you in the light? Is your partner only there for you when it is convenient or do they persevere with you through all things? We are living in a world that is becoming more comfortable settling for a LUH relationship. Today decide if you are the type of person who will tolerate LUH from someone. I have made up my mind to choose LOVE all the way!!!

 

 

3 Things I Did Wrong at My Last Job

Last month I did a post about making the most of cubicle living. That post highlights what I do currently that really helps me enjoy myself while at work. At my old job I did not have the same mindset and I made a lot of mistakes. In this post I will share the things I did wrong at my last job so you can learn from my mistakes.

  1. Easily Offended

At my last job it didn’t take much to offend me. If someone looked at me the wrong way I was ready to write them off. Walking in offense is like having a constant chip on your shoulder. A person who is easily offended is also overly sensitive. Basically, it didn’t take much to hurt my feelings. I always felt like management was picking on me and many times I was a rebel without a cause. I had to learn that everyone is not out to get me. Most of the time the offense came from me overthinking a situation. One solution I found to prevent offense is to assume the best. When you are easily offended you assume that people are intentionally trying to hurt you or come against you. When you assume the best you give people the benefit of the doubt. Now if someone doesn’t speak to me I assume that maybe they didn’t hear me. If someone bumps into me then I assume they didn’t see me. If management adds to my responsibilities then I see it as an opportunity to grow and for promotion, instead of an attack against me personally. So from now on assume the best because life is too short to be offended over little things.

2. Caught People’s Attitudes

Can you imagine a person with a dark cloud over them. Actually let’s say this person has several clouds over them with rain, lightening, and thunder. As you are working beside them, their clouds slowly make their way above your head. Now there is a storm over your head and you did not bring any umbrella. This is how I felt at my last job. I felt defenseless against other people’s attitudes. When I first started the job I was really positive, optimistic, and content. I had a light that was shining bright, but over time it got dimmer and dimmer. Eventually I let the other employees discontentment rub off on me. To combat this issue I would say guard your heart and mind. Don’t let people dump their negativity on you. Guard your ears from the gossip and rumors. It wouldn’t hurt to distance yourself from the employees that cause the most drama. You don’t want people to feel comfortable venting all of their complaints to you at work(unless you have the power to change the problem). Even at my job now there are opportunities for me to gossip and complain with other employees, but I choose to keep to myself, maintain my peace, and spread positivity.

3. If They Go I Go Mindset

Lastly, at my last job I had difficulty letting go of people. Sometimes at work you can become familiar with your fellow associates and really enjoy working with them. My last job had a high turn over rate and I was frustrated with the constant changes. At one point it seemed like every month someone was leaving. Next thing I knew I was surrounded by a sea of new faces. Sometimes when you see people from your job leaving you too get the itch to leave. Just because your coworker leaves doesn’t mean it is your season to leave. You never want to uproot yourself to early. If you feel like you’re the last man standing at your job then I urge you to be flexible and patient. At times you will have to work at your job long after your friends have left. So don’t have a “if they go I go” mindset. Wait for God to give you the green light to leave. There is a reason why you are still at your job so make the most of it.

 

 

Maybe

I wonder what he thought of me
I know what I thought of him
I thought he would be the end to my lonely days
I thought he would be the perfect way to bring in the New Year
I thought he had a nice smile and in my dreams he would drive me wild
I thought he could help ease the pain
I thought he would be here to stay
I prayed to feel butterflies again,
But now I see I had forgotten how it feels when they end
Now my head is filled with maybes
Maybe he didn’t like me
Maybe he didn’t get my jokes
Maybe I offended him
Maybe I wasn’t good enough
Maybe God saved me
Maybe there was something wrong with him
Maybe there is something wrong with me
Maybe I am not ready
Maybe he isn’t either
Maybe I should stop saying maybe
Because I know God has my back forever

Are You The One: No Match

Are you the one? This is a question we often ask ourselves while pursuing a romantic relationship with someone. Now Are You the One? is a real show that comes on MTV. I must admit it is my current guilty pleasure. Are You the One? is essentially a matchmaking game show. Twenty-two singles are coming together in one house to find love and win a prize up to $1 million that would be divided equally among the contestants. All they have to do is find their perfect match. Sounds easy right? You see prior to entering the house the contestants are paired into male-female couples based on a matchmaking algorithm. At the end of each week there is a matching ceremony and the contestants must sit next to the person they think is their perfect match. During this ceremony there is a lighting presentation. The goal  is to have eleven beams of light to match 11 perfect couples. The worst thing that can happen is a blackout, which means none of the couples are a match and they lose half of their money. Each season the producers of the show intentionally choose people who suck at relationships. The show basically shows you everything not to do in a relationship. Despite the chaos on the show, I was able to pull some wisdom from their mistakes. So below I will share with you my perspective on the show and the revelation I received from it.

The Truth Booth

Each week during the show the contestants get to nominate a couple to go into the truth booth. The truth booth is the only way to confirm if a couple is a match. Once the couple is in the truth booth the screen will either say “no match” or “perfect match”. The truth booth is a integral part of the game because the contestants need that confirmation to know if they have been sitting with the wrong person. Some couples sit together each matching ceremony certain that they are a match until they go to the truth booth and realize they were wrong all along. As a Christian I couldn’t help but to turn this concept into a message. The truth booth represents God. On the show the matchmakers claim to know who’s best for the contestants based on surveys and questionnaires, but God knows who is best for us based on our spirit and soul. It’s funny that on the show they have a truth booth, when God is the definition of truth. When you step before God and ask him to confirm your relationship he will. God will reveal the truth to you and it may not always be what you want to hear. Many couples have had their hearts broken in the truth booth because they saw “no match” flash across the screen. Sometimes those heart broken couples had been blissfully falling in love for 3-8 weeks without any confirmation. They had already had already had sex, planned to live together, and picked out baby names without any confirmation. I don’t know about you, but I need confirmation. Sometimes I need to go to the truth booth, which is God and ask if me and this person is a match. Thankfully, Are You the One? is just a show that typically lasts 10 weeks, so by week 10 all the contestants will know who their perfect match is. In real life some people spend months, years, even decades building a life with someone and no confirmation. On the show the couples who are wise want to get into the truth booth as soon as possible because they know seeing “no match” weeks later will hurt so much more. You don’t want to be the couple who sees “no match” years down the line. Boldly step into the truth booth and get that confirmation from God.

Confirmed No Match 

Once the truth booth has confirmed that a couple is a “no match”, you may assume that is the last we will see or hear from that couple but you would be wrong. Every season without fail there are “no match” couples who decide to stay together despite their confirmation. These “no match” couples continue to sleep together, spend all day with each other, and ultimately build a wall between them and the rest of the house. Sounds familiar right? Oftentimes the people close to us know when we are in a “no match” relationship. When we choose to stay in a confirmed “no match” relationship, we tend to slowly distance ourselves from the people who care about us most. On Are You the One? if you tried to break up a “no match” couple, they would get really defensive and be ready to bite your head off. It is only when the couple is having a fight that they start to evaluate why they are not a match. When God confirms that your relationship is a “no match”, trust that there is a good reason. Some “no match” reasons may be obvious, like the couple not sharing the same faith and beliefs. Another reason may be the couple having two completely different purposes that will eventually pull them in opposite directions. Staying in a confirmed “no match” relationship is the same thing as settling. Why settle for a “no match” when a “perfect match” is in your reach?

Perfect Match

Every couple on Are You the One? hopes to see “perfect match” flash across the screen. In each season getting a confirmed “perfect match” from the truth booth is rare. After the show ends most of the confirmed perfect matches don’t even stay together, but that is because they were put together by man. When God confirms a couple to be a “perfect match”, it is a sight to behold. Perfect match doesn’t mean the two people themselves are perfect, but rather that they are perfect for each other. They compliment each other so well. From purpose to personality, they fit together seamlessly. A “perfect match” couple submitted to God and working for his kingdom is a true power couple. Just like on Are You the One? , when you step into the truth booth you may see “no match” again and again. Don’t be discouraged. One day you’re gonna step into the truth booth with your potential spouse and to your surprise it’s gonna say “perfect match”. The people who choose to stay in confirmed “no match” relationships, tend to be more selfish and have a one track mind for their own dysfunctional relationship. In contrast, a “perfect match” couple confirmed by God has the world and generations to come on their minds. The world needs more “perfect match” couples. From now on before you dive too deep into a new relationship, bring it to God for confirmation. Also if you are in a long term relationship now and have never gotten confirmation, then it is never too late to pray and ask God now. Hold out for that “perfect match”, it will be so worth it.